Foods with synthetic dyes affect behavior of ADHD

Red Dye No. 3 Banned in CA, Linked to Behavioral Problems

CREDITS TO https://www.additudemag.com/

California ( USA ) is the first state to ban four food additives, including Red Dye No. 3, due to potential health risks. ADHD experts and food safety advocates urge the FDA to issue a nationwide ban.

There is enough evidence that food dyes affect behavior in some sensitive children with ADHD (and other children without the condition) to justify warning labels on foods containing synthetic dyes,” Nigg told ADDitude.

Concerns about increasing rates of ADHD and other behavioral disorders prompted the California Legislature to ask the Office of Environmental Health Hazard Assessment (OEHHA) to conduct a food dye assessment in 2021. Its report, titled Health Effects Assessment: Potential Neurobehavioral Effects of Synthetic Food Dyes in Children, found links between several dyes and hyperactivity in children. The report argues that current federal levels for safe intake of synthetic food dyes may not sufficiently protect children’s behavioral health.

According to the OEHHA report, the FDA’s Acceptable Daily Intake levels (ADIs) for synthetic food dyes are based on 35- to 70-year-old studies that were not designed to detect the types of behavioral effects observed in children today. Comparisons with newer studies indicate that the current ADIs may not adequately protect children from the behavioral effects of some dyes, and suggest they should be lowered.2

How to Avoid Red Dye No. 3

In the meantime, Nigg advises children with ADHD to avoid foods containing food dyes — an admittedly difficult task. According to the Environmental Working Group’s Eat Well Guide, Red Dye No. 3 is used in nearly 3,000 products, including sodas, juices, yogurts, snacks, candy, frostings, instant rice and potato products, cereals, and boxed cake mixes. It is also used in medications including Vyvanse. 5

“Parents are well-advised to remove food dyes from their child’s diet if they can,” Nigg said. “It is on the list of things to try to do — along with other health actions like a healthy diet, exercise, and lower stress. I encourage parents to do what they can knowing it’s hard to do it all. Every bit can help.”

To start, Nigg suggests steering clear of most processed and packaged foods.

“Eat whole foods found on the perimeter of the grocery store — eggs, milk, cottage cheese, meat and poultry, nuts and seeds, fresh fruits, vegetables, and legumes,” he said. “Families should also be cautious when buying seemingly ‘healthy’ foods, some of which contain synthetic dyes: pickles, flavored oatmeal, salad dressing, peanut butter, and microwave popcorn, for example. Synthetic dyes are also in toothpaste, medication, and cosmetics. Parents should read all product labels closely.”

To check for the presence of Red Dye No. 3, look at a product’s ingredient lists for “FD&C Red #3” and look for dyes in the “inactive ingredients” section for medications.

The American Academy of Pediatrics has also advised parents to limit foods that often contain synthetic dyes, such as sugary drinks, juices, and candy, that may affect children’s behavior

Your child can not be your friend.

The emotional role of the parent is built on love, affection, and esteem. It’s an essential part of being a parent, and it’s a beautiful thing to behold. But your role as a parent is not just emotional. And your child is not your friend.

CREDITS TO https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/your-child-is-not-your-friend/

Indeed, much of the parenting role is functional. For an infant, that means feeding, changing diapers, bathing, and generally providing for the child. For an eight-year-old, it means ensuring homework gets done. And for a fifteen-year-old, it means setting and enforcing a responsible curfew.


Understand that if a mother loves her child emotionally but neglects the functional role, that child is at risk of not maturing into a responsible adult. Indeed, emotional and functional parenting roles go hand in hand. It’s not healthy to emphasize one at the cost of the other. You need both.


Parents also need to understand that the amount of emotional versus functional requirements changes over time. As a child gets older, the parent needs to take on more of a functional role and less of an emotional one because the goal for older kids is to prepare them to live without you.


Your Child May Not Like Your Functional Role

A parent may want to feel emotionally attached to their older child, but at the same time, the parent must do functional things that the child may not like. For example, parents need to set limits with their children, and your child may dislike you and may resist you when you set limits.

Nevertheless, setting limits is a healthy function, and you need to do it for your child’s sake. Limits are how kids learn to figure out what’s safe and what’s not safe. And what’s appropriate and what’s not appropriate.

You are your child’s authority—that’s your role and responsibility. Do you have an emotional relationship with your child? Yes. But if you try to be friends with your child, it comes at the cost of your authority, and it undermines your role as a parent.

Practically speaking, your child can find another friend, but your child can’t find another parent. You and only you can be your child’s parent, and that’s why you need to be the parent and not the friend.
And if it’s you who needs a friend, I suggest you look elsewhere and don’t expect your child to be your friend.

Don’t Make Your Child Your Confidant

I think parents often make the mistake of making their child their confidant. So when they say, “I want to be his friend, and I want him to be my friend,” what they’re saying is, “I want to be his confidant.” And that just does not fit with the functional role of a parent.

It’s a very well-meaning trap that parents fall into. They want to share with the child how they feel about their grandmother, for example. Or how they feel about their neighbor. Or how they feel about their teacher. But it’s ineffective because the child is not morally, emotionally, or intellectually prepared to play that role.

If you’re forty years old and you want a confidant, find another forty-year-old. Or a fifty-year-old. Or a thirty-year-old. Just know that your fifteen- or ten-year-old child can’t be your confidant.


Don’t Criticize Your Child’s School or Teacher In Front of Your Child

If parents think teachers are in error, they should keep that to themselves and their peers and deal with the school directly. Be careful what you say to your child about it.

For example, if you think the teacher’s a jerk for not letting your child chew gum, don’t say so to your child. Instead, say:

“Boy, I disliked that rule when I was in school too. But I had to follow the rules.”

Calling the teacher a jerk in front of your child makes your child your confidant, and that’s ineffective parenting.


Remember this: if you make your kid your confidant and disrespect authority figures in front of them, don’t be surprised when they disrespect that authority figure. Or when they disrespect you. And then, if you give them consequences for that disrespect, they’re going to look at you as a hypocrite.

When you make your child your confidant, you are saying that you and the child are co-decision makers. But you and your child are not co-decision makers in any realistic way. Kids can offer you their opinion. They can tell you what they like and dislike. But certain decisions—especially important ones—have to be made by you, the parent.


At the end of the day, kids need to understand that the family acts as a unit, and the adults are responsible for the decisions.


Don’t Share Too Much With Your Child

I think you can share some things with a child without turning them into a confidant. But you have to be careful.

One of the things you can share with a child is the statement, “We can’t afford that.” It’s a factual statement that explains the financial limits under which you must live.


But, what you shouldn’t share with the child is, “I don’t know how I’m going to pay the rent this month.” That’s something your child is not prepared for emotionally. It makes them anxious about something over which they have no control. It’s unhealthy for them.

Kids have enough fear and anxiety of their own to deal with. Don’t use your child as a confidant to share your problems. Instead, use your spouse or an adult friend. That’s more effective and appropriate.

So I think that you need to be a parent to your child and be loving, caring, and responsible. But find your confidants elsewhere.


Adults and Children Have Different Notions About Life

If you treat your child as a “friend,” you should understand this about friendship: friends are a group of people who have similar notions and ideas about life. That’s not you and your child.

The truth is that children and adults have quite different notions about what they need to do. They have different notions about right and wrong. And they have different priorities. That’s appropriate and to be expected. But that’s not a recipe for friendship. And if you try to make it a friendship, it causes unnecessary conflict and angst.

Leave Your Personal History Out of Your Parenting

Parents will often overcompensate for problems they remember in their own childhood. For example, if you were wild and out-of-control, you may be overly strict with your child because you don’t want your child to take the same risks and make the same mistakes that you did.

Likewise, if you were raised in an overly strict household, you may be overly lenient with your child.

This overcompensating is referred to as reaction formation by psychologists. In reaction to how you were parented as a child, you form a way of parenting that’s not healthy for your child.


For example, if your emotional needs weren’t met, you may overcompensate by trying to be your child’s friend and smothering your child with attention and affection. And that may have harmful unintended consequences.


Indeed, you may think your child will like you more if you’re their friend. You may think they’ll trust you more. But here’s the problem. They may not respect your authority as a result. They may not listen to the word “no” because you never used it or taught them how to deal with it. They may not even want you as a friend. When I was a teen, I sure didn’t want to hang out with my parents, and that’s okay.


In the end, you can’t fix your childhood through your child.

The Goal of Adolescence is for Kids to Separate From Their Parents

The goal of adolescence is for kids to separate from their parents. In psychology, we call this individuation. Individuation refers to the process through which a person achieves a sense of individuality separate from the identities of others.


Individuation is healthy. It means your teen child will want to have a life separate from you. It’s how they become an individual. And as a result, they may not want to share their life with you the way they did in the past.


Understand that your child needs to separate from you to become independent. You may not always approve of their friends and values, but it’s your child’s job to work through that. People who fail to individuate from their parents end up with emotional and social problems. And they often don’t leave home.

Many parents see this individuation happening in their adolescent children and feel abandoned by their children. This feeling of abandonment is especially true when they have parented too much in the emotional role and have acted as their child’s friend. They feel a remarkable sense of loss, and they often compensate for it by blaming the child.

How to Stop Being Your Child’s Confidant

If you’ve shared too much with your child and have not set the kind of limits they need, all in the name of being your child’s friend, you can change to become a more effective parent. It begins by explaining to your child what you’re going to talk about from now on. You can say:


“I’ve decided that there are some things I should be talking to other adults about. So I’m not going to talk to you about them anymore because I think it hurts our relationship.”

You don’t have to be specific about the subject matter. Just be clear.

Then you need to learn how to respond differently to your child. For instance, if you and your child have been talking about what a jerk a particular teacher is for weeks and the child brings it up again, then say to your child:

“You know, I’ve been thinking that it doesn’t help to label your teacher a jerk. Let’s figure out how you can handle this situation more effectively.”

It’s normal for friends to sit around and bad-mouth their teachers. It’s what they do. But a responsible parent will help their child solve the problem they’re having with the teacher. And that’s what you need to do.

Divorced and Unmarried Parents

In divorced families, each parent may try to be the child’s confidant, and the child gets stuck painfully in the middle. The mother’s telling the child what his father’s like, what he’s doing, and not doing. And the father’s telling the child what his mom’s like, how she’s crazy, and how she’s controlling.

I’ve heard kids in divorced families complain that their mom is “so controlling, she’s awful. I can’t live with her.” Too often, they were just repeating what their father said to them.

The problem is that the complaints may be valid to some degree. And now the kid can see it. But they can’t react to it appropriately because they don’t have the maturity to do so. It’s not right to put your child in that position.

Act Like the Responsible Adult Your Child Needs

I want to make an important point for you here. In the end, you can be friendly with your child. That’s a beautiful thing. But not at the expense of being their parent.

The key is to have a responsible relationship with your child. Responsible adults don’t let their children skip their homework, they don’t let their children make excuses for failure, and they don’t bad-mouth the teachers. That’s the type of relationship you need to have with your child. It’s called being a responsible adult—an adult who loves their child and, at the same time, holds their child accountable. It’s called effective parenting.

-----James Lehman, MSW

James Lehman, who dedicated his life to behaviorally troubled youth, created The Total Transformation, The Complete Guide to Consequence, Getting Through To Your Child, and Two Parents One Plan, from a place of professional and personal experience. Having had severe behavioral problems himself as a child, he was inspired to focus on behavioral management professionally. Together with his wife, Janet Lehman, he developed an approach to managing children and teens that challenges them to solve their own problems without hiding behind disrespectful, obnoxious or abusive behavior. Empowering Parents now brings this insightful and impactful program directly to homes around the globe.

ADHD PARENTING:EMOTIONAL CONTROL JUST A DREAM ?

Adopted Child Syndrome (ACS)

ADHD and an Anxiety Tip

ADHD and an Anxiety Tip

 എ ഡി എച് ഡി   യും ,വേവലാതി കുറക്കലും 

-ജാക്വിലിൻ സിൻഫീൽഡ് ,ADHD COACH

 കുറച്ച് മുമ്പേ ഞാനൊരു ഇൻറർവ്യൂവിൽ പങ്കെടുക്കുകയുണ്ടായി.അതിൽ  നാവിക ഉദോഗസ്ഥനും  The Attributes എന്ന  പുസ്തകത്തിന്റെ കർത്താവുമായ  റിച്ച് ദ് വി നി    ഒരു പ്രായോഗിക നിർദ്ദേശം മുന്നോട്ടുവച്ചു . നിങ്ങൾക്ക് വലിയ  ആകാംക്ഷ അനുഭവപ്പെടുകയും പ്രത്യേകിച്ചും വലിയ വേവലാതി തോന്നുകയും ചെയ്യുമ്പോൾ  എന്താണ് ചെയ്യാൻ കഴിയുക ? അപ്പോൾ  നിങ്ങൾക്ക് വളരെ ഉപകരിക്കുന്നുമായ ഒരു കാര്യം പറയാം .

 ആകാംക്ഷ  എന്നു പറയുന്നത്  ആഭ്യന്തരമായ ഒരു പ്രതികരണമാണ്. അതിന്  കാരണമാകുന്നത് ബാഹ്യമായ ചുറ്റുപാടുകളെ ചുറ്റിപ്പറ്റിയുള്ള അനിശ്ചിതത്വമാണ് .ഒരു പ്രശ്നത്തിൽ എന്താണ് സംഭവിക്കാൻ പോകുന്നത് എന്ന് മനുഷ്യർക്ക് വ്യക്തത ഇല്ലാതാകുമ്പോഴാണ് നമ്മളെല്ലാം പല വിധ  സാധ്യതകളെക്കുറിച്ച് ചിന്തിക്കുകയും കൂട്ടത്തിലെ ഏറ്റവും മോശമായ സ്ഥിതി മുന്നേ കാണുകയും അത് മനസ്സിൽ വീണ്ടും പലതവണ പ്രദർശിപ്പിക്കപ്പെടുകയും അതെ ചൊല്ലിയുള്ള വേവലാതിയിൽ ചുറയുകയും ചെയ്യുന്നത്.

 എ ഡി എച്ച് ഡി കൂടി ഉള്ള ഒരാൾ എന്ന നിലയ്ക്ക്,  നിങ്ങളുടെ മനസ്സ് കൂടുതൽ സൃഷ്ടിപരവും മറ്റു മനസ്സുകളെക്കാൾ അതിവേഗം പ്രവർത്തിക്കുന്നതും ആയതുകൊണ്ട്, നിങ്ങൾ ഏറ്റവും മോശമായ കാര്യങ്ങളെ മുൻകൂട്ടി കാണുന്നതിലും നല്ല വേഗതയുള്ള ആളാണ്. അത് നിങ്ങളുടെ ആകാംക്ഷയെ സാധാരണയിൽ കവിഞ്ഞു വല്ലാതെ വർദ്ധിപ്പിക്കുകയും ചെയ്യും. ഇങ്ങനെയൊരു സന്ദർഭത്തിൽ നിങ്ങൾ എന്ത് ചെയ്യണമെന്നാണ് റിച്ച് നിർദ്ദേശിക്കുന്നതെന്നോ ?

 നിങ്ങൾ നിങ്ങളോട് തന്നെ ചോദിക്കുക ." എനിക്ക്   ശരിക്കും ഇപ്പോൾ എന്താണ് നിയന്ത്രിതമായി ചെയ്യാൻ കഴിയുക  ? ".

ഇത് വളരെ പ്രയോജനകരമാണ്. കാരണം നിങ്ങൾ നിങ്ങൾക്ക് ചെയ്യാൻ കഴിയുന്ന ഒരു പ്രവർത്തനത്തിലേക്ക് നീങ്ങുമ്പോൾ...... ഒരു ചെറിയ ചുവടു  മുന്നോട്ട് വെക്കുമ്പോൾ ............നിങ്ങൾക്ക് ഡോപമിൻറെ  (dopomine)* ഒരു ചെറിയ അളവ് തലച്ചോറിന്റെ  ഉള്ളിലേക്ക് കിട്ടുകയും അത് നിങ്ങൾക്ക് സന്തോഷകരമായ ഒരു മാനസികാവസ്ഥ പ്രദാനം ചെയ്യുകയും ചെയ്യുന്നു .

ഉദാഹരണമായി നിങ്ങൾ ഒരു വിമാനത്താവളത്തിൽ എത്തിപ്പെട്ടതേയുള്ളൂ എന്ന് കരുതുക . നിങ്ങളുടെ സ്യുട്ട് കേസ് നിങ്ങളുടെ അടുത്ത് എത്തിയിട്ടില്ല. നിങ്ങൾ ആകാംക്ഷാഭ രിതനാകുന്നു . നിങ്ങൾ ആ പെട്ടി നഷടപ്പെട്ടാലുള്ള  എല്ലാ  സാധ്യതകളെക്കുറിച്ചും പ്രശ്നങ്ങളെക്കുറിച്ചും ആലോചിക്കുന്നു. ഇതുവരെയും നിങ്ങളുടെ പെട്ടി  തിരിച്ചു വന്നിട്ടില്ല .പേടി കൂടുന്നു. അപ്പോൾ നിങ്ങൾ എടുക്കേണ്ട ആദ്യത്തെ നടപടി ഇതാണ്. ഇങ്ങനെ ആലോചിക്കുക -" എനിക്ക്   ശരിക്കും ഇപ്പോൾ എന്താണ് നിയന്ത്രിതമായി ചെയ്യാൻ കഴിയുക  ? ".

 

 ഇത് നിങ്ങളുടെ തലച്ചോറിനെ നിങ്ങൾക്ക് ചെയ്യാൻ കഴിയുന്ന ഒരു പ്രവർത്തന നടപടിയിലേക്ക് നയിക്കുന്നു .നിങ്ങൾക്ക് വരാൻ പോകുന്ന ചില സംഭവങ്ങളുടെ മേലെ  ഒരു നിയന്ത്രണവും ഇല്ല എന്നുള്ളത് ശരിയാണ് .നിങ്ങളുടെ പെട്ടി  എവിടെയാണ്  ? അത് നിങ്ങളുടെ ഫ്ലൈറ്റിലേക്ക് അല്ലെങ്കിൽ നിങ്ങളുടെ സ്ഥലത്തേക്ക് എത്തിപ്പെടുമോ എന്ന കാര്യത്തിൽ നിങ്ങൾക്ക് യാതൊരു നിയന്ത്രണവുമില്ല. പക്ഷേ നിങ്ങൾക്ക് ഇങ്ങനെ ചിന്തിക്കാമല്ലോ .എനിക്ക് എയർലൈൻ കൗണ്ടറിലേക്ക് നടന്നു പോകാം .എന്നിട്ട് അവിടെ എന്റെ പെട്ടി  കാണുന്നില്ല എന്നുള്ള കാര്യം അറിയിക്കാം . അങ്ങനെ ആലോചിക്കുമ്പോൾ തന്നെ നിങ്ങളുടെ ആകാംക്ഷ കുറയുകയും നിങ്ങൾ അങ്ങോട്ടു നടന്നു തുടങ്ങുന്നതോടൊപ്പം നിങ്ങളുടെ വേവലാതി നന്നായി കുറയുകയും  ചെയ്യുന്നു.

ഇപ്പോൾ നിങ്ങൾക്ക് എന്തിനെകുറിച്ചെങ്കിലും  വേവലാതി ഉണ്ടോ ? 

അങ്ങനെയുണ്ടെങ്കിൽ നിങ്ങൾ സ്വയം ചോദിക്കുക.

" എനിക്ക്   ശരിക്കും ഇപ്പോൾ എന്താണ് നിയന്ത്രിതമായി ചെയ്യാൻ കഴിയുക  ? ".

- പരാവർത്തനം  : രാധാകൃഷ്ണൻ സി കെ   , കണ്ണൂർ 

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(dopomine)*- സന്തോഷം തോന്നുന്നതിനു കാരണമായി ,തലച്ചോറിൽ നാഡീകോശങ്ങളിൽ ഉല്പാദിക്കപ്പെടുന്ന അതി സൂക്ഷ്മ  രാസഘടകം.

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ORIGINAL TEXT : ADHD and an Anxiety Tip

A few weeks ago, I listened to an interview with former Navy Seal and author of the book, The Attributes, Rich Dviney.

Rich gave a practical suggestion to use when you are feeling anxious, and I wanted to share it because it's really simple yet powerful.

Anxiety is an internal response that is often triggered by uncertainty in the external environment.

When humans aren’t sure what will happen, we think of all the possible (usually worst case) scenarios and play those over and over in our mind.

As someone with ADHD, your mind is more creative and faster than other minds, so you are really good at thinking of worst case scenarios, which can increase your anxiety.

When this happens, Rich suggests you ask yourself,

"What can I control right now?"

This is helpful because when you start moving towards that (by taking a small action), you get a little shot of dopamine and that makes you feel better.

For example, imagine you had just landed in an airport and your suitcase didn’t arrive. You start to feel anxious as you think of all the possible problems you might run into as you are trying to get your suitcase back.

The first step is to ask yourself the powerful question:

What can I control right now?

This allows your brain to come up with an action step you can do.

You don’t have any control over where the suitcase is, or whether it will be put on a flight to your new location, etc.

But you might think,

“I can walk over to the airline counter and report my suitcase missing.”

Straight away, your anxiety is reduced as you start walking towards the counter.

Is there something you feel anxious about at the moment?

If so, ‘What can you control right now?’

-Credits to Additude

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Here are four ways you can seek help*

1) Read The Untapped Brilliance Blog
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3) Get your copy of the Untapped Brilliance book
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ADHD PARENTING:EMOTIONAL CONTROL JUST A DREAM ?

 I saw a parenting meme in my feed the other day that hit pretty dang close to home.

..............By Rebecca Branstetter, Ph.D.  CREDITS TO ADDITUDEMAG.COM

It was a split screen of how parents start their day (as the happy, soft-spoken dinosaur from Toy Story and how they end their day (as the terrifying T-Rex from Jurassic Park roaring one inch from your face).

I feel that.

We all start out the day fresh and ready to be positive, proactive, and empathic with whatever challenges our children are facing. When we’re rested, we typically have the patience to respond calmly when they are reactive or having a hard time (like when a toddler screams and throws a tantrum because there are RAISINS in her RAISIN Bran… hypothetically speaking, of course). As the day wears on, parental patience wears thin, and we tend to be more reactive, triggered, and annoyed when our children act out or shut down.

Complicating matters is the inescapable fact that our baseline for maintaining inner calm has moved. Most parents are operating with a higher level of stress than they did before the pandemic. After a year of disrupted lives, strained finances, and tight living quarters shared with a roller coaster of emotions, there’s plenty that can trigger our inner T-Rex.

Our kids are under unprecedented stress, too. Their tolerance for this stress may also be smaller than usual. And if your child has ADHD or emotional reactivity challenges, they may go from happy Rex to full Jurassic Park in seconds flat.

Given this stressful dynamic, it’s no wonder we’re all buckling under the heavy load of big reactions — whether it’s blowing up or shutting down — from things as small as raisins or as big as an outbreak at school.

Lizard Brain Vs. Wizard Brain

Neither parent nor child wakes up in the morning planning to be a terrible lizard.

When stress is triggered in either parent or child, two spooky sci-fi things happen (nope, I’m not talking about extracting-DNA-and-recreating-dinos kind of sci-fi. This is even spookier)

Spooky Sci Fi Fact #1: We are evolutionarily pre-programmed to match others’ emotions before we can even mentally register that we are doing it.

This means that stress and uncomfortable emotions like anxiety, anger, and sadness are highly contagious. We “catch” the stress from our kids, and our kids “catch” it from us.

Y’all, the whole process takes milliseconds.

When your kid flips out and gets angry because you calmly ask them to put away their dirty socks, your calm turns to anger before you can even register it consciously. When you are stressed out about an email that pops up on your phone from work and you feel tense, your child feels that same tension as if it were their own.

Spooky Sci Fi Fact #2: All stress, big or small, real or imagined, registers the same way — DANGER! — and we go into the “brain stem,” the part of the brain responsible for survival.

This primitive part of the brain literally does not know the difference between the stress of struggling with a math assignment or the stress of a saber-toothed tiger. Either way, the amygdala, the fear center of the brain, lights up like a Roman candle and we go into fight or flight mode (or the modern-day version: acting out or shutting down).

With kiddos, I sometimes call it “lizard brain” because primitive responses to stress do not involve logic or thinking. All our “brain juice” (term I just made up) goes to survival and we don’t have any cognitive resources left for thinking straight.

As I teach in my online positive parenting courses, problem solving cannot occur in “lizard brain” mode. Yet, when our kids get stuck in the brain stem, it’s soooooo tempting to address them with logic, problem solving, or a valuable adult life lesson such as: “When a company advertises a product with raisins, it likely has raisins in it! So just eat it!” or, “It’s just a math worksheet. It will only take 10 minutes, so just calm down and finish it!”

It doesn’t take much imagination to picture how these life lessons go over in those lizard brain moments. Yep, your child may go full Jurassic on you. Then, you instinctively go Jurassic on them and there’s two angry dinos in the room (see Spooky Sci-Fi fact #1).

Tapping Into the Wizard Brain

You might be thinking, “OK, great, so basically we are destined to trigger and re-trigger each other all day long?”

Nope! I have good news for you.

You have a fully developed wizard brain (frontal lobe — the “stop and think” part of your brain that is built to pause and respond skillfully, with calmness.

And the even better news is that calm emotions are also contagious! When you come into a situation with calm, it triggers calm in your child. When you take a pause before responding to your child’s anger, their anger subsides. This process of up-regulating or down-regulating your child’s emotions is called “co-regulation.” You can bring calm or chaos to a situation by how you respond.

And once both parties are calm, problem solving can begin. Our “wizard brains” (frontal lobes) are back online.

But how do parents cultivate inner calm amid craziness? What sounds good in theory is much harder to do when you’ve been triggered.

The following strategy for keeping calm in a stressful situation with your child is simple, but it is not necessarily easy until you remember and practice this: Take care of yourself first. Escalated parents can’t de-escalate their children. Your calm teaches your child calm.

Wait! Don’t go!

This is not the part where I tell you to practice self-care: take up yoga, practice meditation, and carve out heaps of “me time.”

Don’t get me wrong; self-care is great, but those are things you do “off the job” as a parent. They can lengthen your fuse, but the fuse is always still there.

The problem with self-care activities is that it’s hard to do them in the Jurassic parenting moment. You can’t just bail on your wailing, dysregulated kid and drive off to a yoga class right then and there.

So, this is the part where I share what can you do “on the job” when the stressful moment is actively going down.

What To Do When the Lizard Attacks

First, become aware when you’re being triggered. Is it a bodily sensation, like a tight chest or clenched jaw? Or is it a thought like, “Why are they giving me such a hard time?” or “How many times do I have to tell them?” or “Why are they making such a big deal over nothing?” If you can catch the thought or feeling before you respond, that’s huge.

Second, practising empathy is the fastest route to calming yourself and your child during a heated moment. Remind yourself that your child is in “brain stem” and in a moment of suffering, too. They aren’t giving you a hard time; they are having a hard time.

Third, this one tip from the fabulous Kristen Neff, self-compassion researcher, has been a game changer in my parenting, especially during the heightened emotional reactivity in the pandemic: In a Jurassic Moment, I do a “one for me/one for you” breath before responding. One breath for me (I am having a hard time) and one breath for my child (this is hard for you, too). It helps me stay calm and helps model for my child how to pause before responding and how to empathize in challenging times.

And speaking of self-compassion, remember to give yourself self-compassion if you T-Rex out from time to time! If you lose your cool with your child, it’s okay. It’s human. It happens, especially when we are under stress and have a shorter fuse than normal. Take the time to apologize to your child — it’s a teachable moment. When you say, “I am sorry I yelled. I was feeling frustrated and next time I will take a few deep breaths,” you are teaching them what to do next time they are frustrated or make a mistake.

By Rebecca Branstetter, Ph.D.  CREDITS TO ADDITUDEMAG.COM

Lizard Brain: Next Steps

Guide: ADHD and Emotional Regulation

Read: Take a Deep Breath — Teaching Kids to Control Emotions

Download: Rein In Intense ADHD Emotions

Adopted Child Syndrome (ACS)

 

13 Famous People Who Were Adopted

Adopted Child Syndrome (ACS)

Love, acceptance, and empathy can help heal the emotional wounds associated with adoption.

Adopted child syndrome (ACS) is a term coined by some experts to describe the psychological and emotional issues adopted children experience. If the condition is not addressed on time, it may lead to other disorders, such as developmental delays, drug abuse, or attachment issues.

Therefore, parents should watch the physical and behavioral signs that indicate an ACS and try to find out the cause behind it. Through the integration of love, support, and affection, adopted children may be able to overcome these emotions..

CREDITS TO https://www.momjunction.com/articles/adopted-child-syndrome_00375730/

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What Is Adopted Child Syndrome?

Adopted child syndrome is usually used to describe a condition that is a result of various psychological and emotional hardships an adopted child undergoes. It is associated with characteristics such as attachment disorders and deviant behavior to the likes of lying, stealing, inability to accept authority, and violence.

Though ACS is not a formal diagnosis, there are research works that talk about its effects.
Social worker Jean Paton, who was herself an adoptee, was the first to study ACS in 1953.

However, the term was only officially coined by David Kirschner in 1978 in his paper -Son of Sam.

At times, children cannot be expressive enough to share their trauma with their foster parents thus it is important for the parents to look out for any behavioral issues.
According to a study, adopted children are more likely to contract mental health problems than other children.

Some of the common symptoms of adopted child syndrome are:

• Low self-esteem
• Depression
• Identity crisis
• Anxiety
• Feelings of grief and rejection

Some of the common comorbid disorders are:

• Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD.
• Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).
• Conduct disorder.
• Major depressive disorder.
• Separation anxiety disorder.

Another study has found that 14 to 15 out of 100 adoptees have the chances of having ODD or ADHD. This is twice as much as the non-adoptees getting these conditions .

ADHD DIETING

Causes Of Adopted Child Syndrome

Apple Inc’s founder the late Steve Jobs was an adopted child. Though highly successful in life, he has often referred to “unresolved pain” of rejection and abandonment due to adoption.

Here is a deep insight into the various emotional reactions an adopted child with ACS are prone to.

1. FEELING OF ANXIETY AND LOSS:

Adopted children develop a feeling of being abandoned by their mother.

In the book Being adopted: The lifelong search for self, published in 1992, researchers David M Brodzinsky, Marshall D Schechter, and Robin Marantz Henig say that children, if adopted within six months of their birth, would grow similar to a natural child.

However, psychotherapist Nancy Verrier in her book The Primal Wound  in 1993 says that a child develops a bond with its mother from the womb itself.

“Bonding doesn’t begin at birth but is a continuum of physiological, psychological, and spiritual events which begin in utero and continue throughout the postnatal bonding period.
“When this natural evolution is interrupted by a postnatal separation from the biological mother, the resultant experience of abandonment and loss is indelibly imprinted upon the unconscious minds of these children, causing that which I call the ‘primal wound’.”

According to adoption specialists, adoptees frequently experience anxiety due to being abandoned by their birth parents, feeling like second-class citizens, and believing they are unworthy of sharing happy experiences in their live.

The orphaned and abandoned children carry the trauma of separation from their biological parents. They may not remember the trauma but can feel it subconsciously. There could be an innate fear that their adopted family would leave them one day adding to their feeling of insecurity.

SOLUTION :Properly guided counseling or therapy may help in this case.

2. Secrecy of parents:existential problems

The adopted family might not tell the adoptees the details about their natural parents. The very fact that they have been adopted could be hidden if the adoption took place early in a child’s life. However, once they come to know about it, the children might want to know more about their original family.

Sometimes, even the adoption agencies would not have details about the biological parents of adoptees, and this lack of information could make the person face many existential problems like feeling alienated, misunderstood and feeling like they don’t belong.

3.ETHNICTY :IDENTITY ISSUES IN THE TEENAGE  

If the adopted family is from a different origin than the adoptee, the child could find it difficult to adjust. Their color, race, practices may all be different. For instance, if an American family adopts an Asian origin child, the cultural differences would be so profound that the adoptee may grow up with identity issues which are especially pertinent within the teenage phase when the identity is being formed.

4. Genetic differences:alienation and issues with adjustment 

As they grow up, the adopted children observe that their physical features, preferences, and intellectual abilities are different from those of the adopted family. This could cause alienation and lead to issues with adjustment as there is no one who resembles them physically or psychologically, exacerbating the symptoms of the syndrome.

5.Eagerness to know about their original family : A feeling of guilt:

As the adoptee ages, they may feel guilty of not giving enough to their adopted family. They may be overburdened by a sense of gratitude. Added to this, their eagerness to know about their original family may make them think that they are doing injustice to the family that has adopted them.

6. The burden of being the ‘chosen one’:developing negative thoughts.

The adoption agency and the people around might tell the adoptee that they are the ‘chosen one’ by the family, with an intention to make them forget about their past and merge into the new setup. It could also make the adoptee come out of the feeling of being abandoned.

However, over compensating could make them feel that the family is being charitable by adopting them, thus developing negative thoughts.

Effects Of Adopted Child Syndrome

If adopted early in their life, children grow up similar to other kids. In the US, nearly 120,000 children are adopted every year. There are currently more than 2.6 million  adopted individuals in the country. Most of them lead a normal life without any psychological issues.

However, a few children might have to face the effects of ACS. 

1. Developmental delays:

Adopted children could reach physical and emotional development milestones late. They may not be able to do things that kids of their age usually do, or they may think and behave younger than their age. Developmental delays could manifest in the form of:

1.Eagerness to grab attention or rewards.

2.Inability to socialize.

3.Difficulty in learning motor skills

1.1.Cognitive delay: Cognitive delay may affect the intellectual function of children, causing a decline in their ability to think, learn, and solve problems. A learning disability may result from cognitive delays, leading to difficulties in comprehension and understanding, which become evident when children start going to school or even earlier. 

Signs of cognitive delay-

Delay in sitting, crawling, or walking

Speech delays

Inability to pay attention for long

Inability to solve simple problems

Absence of logical thinking or completing simple tasks

Memory problems

Inability to think logically and understand social rules

Infantile behavior

Treatment for cognitive delay

-Play therapy (teaching skills through play)

-Occupational therapy

-Speech therapy

-Special attention in school, which may also include an individualized education plan

1.2. Motor delay: Children with difficulty in fine and gross motor skills find it difficult to coordinate large muscles (arms and legs) and small muscles (hands) 

1.3. Socioemotional delay: Socioemotional delay affects the social and emotional skills of children, making it difficult for them to interact with others and communicate their thoughts and feelings.

MANAGEMENT PLAN

Attachment therapy (counseling children, parents, and caregivers to build attachment)

Play therapy

Behavioral therapy

Skill-oriented therapy (focusing on developing skills)

1.4. Speech and language delay: Oral motor problems, such as weak muscles of the mouth

Problems with tongue and jaw movement, leading to speech production disorder.Brain damage (cerebral palsy),Hearing loss,Genetic disorders,Environmental factors such as lack of stimulation,Being a twin,Living in a bilingual home (children find it difficult to interpret two languages simultaneously)

Signs of speech and language delay

Reduced vocabulary/Delay in initial speech, such as saying simple words “papa” and “mama.”

Inability to form age-appropriate sentences/Doesn’t talk/Delay in expressing thoughts

Treatment of speech and language delay :Increased communication with the child/

Reading to the child/Hearing test/Getting ear infections treated/Speech therapy

Special attention in school.

1.5  Adaptive delay: Children with adaptive developmental delay find it difficult to learn age-appropriate life skills (self-help skills). As a result, it becomes challenging for them to live independent life

Signs of adaptive delay :Inability to manage daily activities, such as feeding, dressing, or brushing teeth/Speech and language difficulties/Problems with reasoning and problem solving

/Lacking organizational skills, such as following a routine or completing assignments

2. Eating disorders 

Their pre-adoption life makes children anxious eaters. They may have grown up under circumstances where there was a scarcity of food . This could lead to:Overeating/

Under-consumption due to problems in eating certain foods such as solids/Hoarding of food

/Stealing food

3. Attachment issues and reactive attachment disorder 

withdraw from others / avoid eye contact/ be uninterested in playing/ and be indifferent to affection among others / or not having any boundaries and attached to people inappropriately.

4. Alcohol and drug abuse 

 5.Inclination towards crime

How To Deal With Developmental Delay In Children?

Apart from the therapies, some other strategies used to address developmental delay are :

1.Breaking down essential skills into small steps and giving clear instructions to children

2.Repeating instructions and giving adequate time to complete the task

3.Rewarding for accomplishments

4.Teaching interpersonal skills and imparting social skills training

5.Using visual instructions, such as pictures, posters, and videos

6.Using gestures

7.Integrating learning with fun

8.Providing supportive environment

9.Taking the help of parents to understand children

10.Observing children understand unexpressed signs and signals

How To MANAGE Adopted Child Syndrome?

1. PLACE attitude:

Attachment psychologist Dan Hughes has come up with the acronym PLACE, which stands for being playful, loving, accepting, curious, and empathic to your adopted kid.

Playful: Be playful with the child as this would help them realize their self-worth and relax. Fill in your free-time with some games or fun activities with the kid.Playfulness also includes a simple ruffling of their hair, winking at them, cracking a joke, or smiling at them. This can reassure the child about your love.

Loving: You should be the first person to bring love into the relationship and your adopted child will eventually follow you. Understand that they are too young and frightened to adjust to the environment instantly.Hold their hand, hug them, have a sweet talk, and show them that you care for them. Give them time to understand you and build faith in you.

Accepting: Accept the child the way they are. That is the first step to mold them in the way you want.Share your expectations gradually, after they settle down in your family.

Curious: When your child does something unacceptable, do not admonish them immediately. Instead, be curious to know why they did that. Let them know your curiosity by asking questions aloud. It will help them in understanding their mistake, and give them the confidence to talk to you about it.

Empathetic: Empathize with your child. If they are finding it difficult to read or write, tell them that you understand their difficulty. Help them learn the lessons, instead of getting furious or disappointed with them. But empathy needs to be genuine and not flippant.

2. Permanency : Your child may not like to leave you or may get cranky if you are away even for a short time, as they might be afraid of losing you.It is for you to build that sense of permanency in them. Make them understand that you are with them permanently even if you are away for a few hours or days. These relate back to their attachment and abandonment issues.

3. Constancy:

Constancy is related to permanency as it gives children stability and resilience. It makes them realize that your angry reaction to a particular incident is because of their misbehavior but not because you hate them. Consistency is key when dealing with a child.

Develop constancy by being pleasant even while reprimanding them. They will understand that you are not happy with them.

If they disappoint you, talk to them openly without hurting their feelings. Tell them what your expectation was and why it was not met.

4.Reduce stress and anxiety:

HOLD TIGHTLY / EMBRACE / WHISPER IN EARS THAT YOU LOVE HIM 

Be calm and make yourself available to them to reduce their levels of anxiety, if any. Make things predictable for them so they know what to expect .If they do something wrong, let them know the consequences immediately, without making them wait anxiously for the ‘punishment’.Identify their stress areas and mitigate them.

rocking back and forth ; is referred to as ‘orphanage syndrome.’ Many children in orphanages do this when they are hurt or afraid. Since they don’t have a mommy or daddy to comfort them, they have learned how to soothe themselves 

15 Calming Games And Activities For Children With Anxiety

5.Develop self-esteem : 

Self-esteem can be low in adopted children. Develop self-esteem by making them feel important. Appreciate their new milestones, and applaud them for their achievements. Build them up, make them feel confident.

6. Discipline positively:

Avoid giving commands to the child, such as, “I want you to do this,” “You have to stop being like that,” and so on. Instead, give him choices of ‘this or that’ and let him choose. This works well for both your child and you.

Replace punishments with logical consequences, so that he understands that doing ‘this’ will lead to ‘that’. For example, he will know that if he spills milk, he will end up cleaning it.

Keep your bouts of anger short, for around 60 seconds, and have calmer conversations for a longer time.

7.Encourage socializing but supervise:

Help your child to socialize with their classmates and neighbors. Take them to a park and let them play with other children. However, ensure that they are not being bullied by other children or vice versa. Explain to them the ways to be amicable yet assertive.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS 

1. Why do some parents hide the adoption truth from their children?

Some parents might want to keep the adoption as a secret to:Protect the child from the pain of separation./Wait until the kid is mature enough to understand the situation..The adoptive parents may fear that the children might leave them once they know about their biological parents./The biological parents did not want to reveal their identity.

However, the trend is changing as more parents are looking for an open adoption.

2. Are adopted children violent towards their parents?

A child can turn violent irrespective of the parents being adopted or biological. More than the type of parents (adopted or otherwise), it is the environment at home and the background of the parents that might have an influence on the behavior of the child.

3. How soon can an adopted child accept their new parents and family?

This differs with each family. It is the adopted parent’s responsibility to make the kids feel at home. Create a reassuring atmosphere for them to accept the changes in the shortest possible time.

4. How do I support a child with reactive attachment disorder (RAD)?

As the child with RAD is under stress, you need to take care not to show your frustration on them. Here are a few tips to parent a child with RAD:

Do not lose your patience, no matter how annoying the situation could be.

Create a fun environment at home, and develop a sense of humor in the child.

Have realistic expectations from the child, and celebrate their successes.

Stay positive even if the child ignores your overtures. Keep trying and they would recognize your efforts.Seek help from your family and friends.

5. Are adoptees narcissists?

A small study has found that adoptees are not likely to develop narcissism . However, extensive research is required.

6. Should you tell a child they are adopted?

Yes, you should tell your child if they are adopted when they are young. So avoid risking the chance of them finding out from someone else 

IMPORTANT IDEAS 

Adopted Child Syndrome refers to emotional and psychological difficulties experienced by some adopted children.

Symptoms of this syndrome may include anxiety, depression, and a sense of rejection.

Emotional reactions such as abandonment, secrecy, differences in ethnicity, genetic differences, and guilt are commonly observed in adopted children with this syndrome.

Although most adopted children live normal lives, some may face developmental delays, attachment issues, substance abuse, and a higher risk of criminal behavior.

Adopted child syndrome can be overcome through empathy, understanding, unconditional love, and the establishment of a sense of permanency.

VIDEOS :

Adopted Child Syndrome by Dr. Tracie O'Keefe DCH, BHSc, ND

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CREDITS TO https://www.momjunction.com/articles/adopted-child-syndrome_00375730/