How to Advocate Forcefully for Your Child with ADHD
Children with ADHD encounter more barriers at school, in the community, and even at home. No one understands these hurdles — and how to best overcome them — better than your family. Here, parent advocate Penny Williams outlines the best ways to share these strategies clearly and effectively.
Here’s how to do it:
1. You catch more flies with honey. While it often feels like an “us vs. them thing,” you should approach working with teachers and administrators collaboratively, as though you’re truly a team, for the best outcomes.
2. Keep your emotions out of it. Vent to your family or friends. Write the nasty rebuttal you’d like to offer, but don’t send it. Stick to facts and a neutral tone when interacting with school staff.
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3. Submit a Parent Concerns Letter to the IEP or 504 team at least two days before school meetings. Include everything — cite references from evaluations as often as possible. If it’s an IEP meeting, copy and paste the information onto the IEP form the school uses.
4. Draft and submit a Present Levels of Performance Letter, and include it with the Parent Concerns, at least two days before a school meeting. This will include: current grades, current struggles at school (academic, behavior, social, and emotional), how existing goals and accommodations have been implemented up to that point, and which strategies have succeeded and which have failed. Cite incidents, with dates, as much as possible. If it’s an IEP meeting, copy and paste the letter onto the IEP form the school uses, as well.
5. Use email communications to get everything in writing.
6. Don’t expect perfection. Your child has a disability. He will struggle — we can’t erase that. The goal for accommodations at school should be to teach skills and to level the playing field, so your child has the same chance of success as his neurotypical peers.
7. Observe your child’s behaviors closely. The stress of struggling and being misunderstood causes a child’s behavior and emotions to deteriorate. Behavior is communication. If your child is avoiding school, acting out against peers or teachers, fleeing the classroom, refusing to do schoolwork, unmotivated to complete schoolwork or to do well at it, overly emotional, making up stories about things that “happen” at school, he is communicating something to you. Work with him to determine the root of the challenges. It could be that the work is too hard, social problems, lagging skills, or fear and anxiety. You can’t solve the behavior challenges until you know the reason for them.
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If you find yourself at an impasse with your child’s school, take your concerns to the next level. If you can, hire an educational advocate to help you.
At the Doctor’s Office
Sometimes doctor and therapy appointments are rushed, and don’t address all the problems you’re experiencing. Become an informed patient (or parent of a patient), and use your advocacy skills in the doctor’s office. If you have struggles you need help with, bring them up at the beginning of the appointment. (“Today I want to be sure we talk about x, y, and z before we leave.”) I keep a list of the things I want to discuss with my son’s therapist or doctor, so I don’t forget anything.
If you feel your child’s doctor or therapist isn’t listening to you, or isn’t valuing your concerns, it’s time to find a new one. Your mission is to build a successful life for your child — don’t let a professional who doesn’t listen keep you from attaining your goals.
Advocate in the Community
I don’t have to tell you that kids with ADHD are misunderstood in our communities. When your child spends time with someone in the community, you should let that person know about the weaknesses she struggles with that will arise during their time together. If your child is taking swimming lessons, the instructor needs to know that he should watch your child to be sure she is hearing and understanding the instructions during class. He needs to know that your child is anxious about the water, or might lose focus after 30 minutes, instead of staying focused the entire 45 minutes.
Some instructors or coaches just aren’t a good fit for kids with ADHD. If you run into that, look for another group or class.
Advocate at Home
You can advocate for your child during family life too, by helping him reduce stress as much as possible.
1. Listen to his concerns and validate his feelings. Let him tell you whatever is on his mind, and don’t judge him for it. Instead, support his feelings and thoughts, whatever they are.
2. Find ways for your child to experience success, and often. Those who grow up with ADHD are bombarded with messages that they are lazy, defiant, or broken. We must show our kids that they are just as deserving and capable of success as anyone else. Every success offers a child a little relief.
3. Make sure she knows you love her, no matter what. It’s hard growing up feeling like you’re always letting people down.
4. Make a plan for any fears or anxieties up front. My son resists going to the fireworks on the 4th of July. He likes fireworks, but the noise and crowds stress him out. We manage those stressors by going to a neighboring small town’s event, because it’s a lot less crowded. And he wears noise-canceling headphones during the show, to reduce the sound. Now he isn’t stressed about doing something he enjoys.
5. An important part of our advocacy is teaching our kids to advocate for themselves. As teens and preteens, they begin to have the awareness necessary to get help and accommodations before life becomes too stressful.
Helping your child live a happy and successful life is advocacy in itself. You are your child’s best and most knowledgeable supporter. Stand behind him to ensure success.
What Is Your Best Tip for Advocating for Your Child in School?
ADDitude readers offer solutions and share their advice on school advocacy.
“A note of thanks to the teacher who gets my grandson and knows what works for him. In addition to letting teachers know that they matter to my grandson, I hope my acknowledgment inspires teachers to help other kids with ADHD.” -Leslie, New Jersey
“Remember that your child doesn’t understand how her brain works As a result, she can’t ask for help or know when she needs it. You are her voice. Stay strong.” -Sanders, Missouri
“Keep in constant contact with the school, and don’t take it for granted that the school is always right when evaluating your child. Your child needs to know that you will always be there for him, no matter what.” -Mary, England
“As a teacher who has been diagnosed with ADD myself, I like parents to meet with me and talk about what has worked for their child, what hasn’t, and our goals for the future. After the talk, I’m better prepared to help their child on the tough days.” -April, Utah
“I ask my daughter to stand up for herself, and, respectfully, remind the teacher of her needs. The same goes for school administration—I have found that respect and reminders go a long way toward success in the classroom.” -Jennifer, Minnesota
“Listen to the teachers and weigh what they have to say, but remember that you are the expert on your child. Advocating doesn’t have to mean arguing or being aggressive. It is quietly standing your ground for your child.” -Bethany, Australia
“Keep pushing, and don’t let anyone tell you they’re doing all they can when you know they aren’t.” -David, Washington
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ADHD and slow learner-discussion 15 09 2024
With ADHD attention is absolutely difficult. It’s not just you! If 10 minutes is all you can focus, then use the 10 minutes, then take a break. There are many strategies which can be helpful. And sometimes meds can aid concentration.
When you’re concentrating, use colors to help you visualize ideas in your mind. Take a few brief notes, not long sentences, just an important word or phrase. You can even draw a picture or a symbol to trigger your recall. Use highlighters to make a word stand out.
Summarizing for yourself one important thought from what you just read, heard or learned helps with recall, too.
I have ADHD and I’m a slow learner. How can I focus? I genuinely don't know how to get anything done. I can't sit down longer for more than 10 minutes.
There are programs and tutors who/ which teach study skills, if you can avail yourself of that. They can be costly. You might check online for study skills. You might check out “Mapping” or Schematic Mapping which is great to get a visual imprinted in your mind.
Use different modes such as reading, notes, pictures, listening instead of reading, a video. There are many ways available for free to learn or broaden or reinforce what you want to retain.
During your breaks every ten minutes, walk, stretch, breathe the fresh air outside, give yourself a little treat, and Pat yourself on the back for your effort!-Dede Domstein Former Educator (QUORA)
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Begin by focusing for 10 minutes. Choose something you wish to learn, set a timer for 10 minutes and when the time is up, put your project away. For example, if it's knitting then knit for 10 minutes. Do this for one week. Add one minute the next week and each week after for three months. As soon as the timer goes off each day, put your knitting, (or whatever you choose to learn) away and continue with the rest of your day doing whatever you wish. You can choose the time of day you work on your project but keep it the same throughout this process so that each day at that time you are steadily working to extend your ability to focus.
-Maggie Green
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Hello, ...........
About a million people have been cured of dyslexia and related problems with the Tomatis Method or with Dr. Guy Berard’s Audio Integration Training method. Those patented methods use music and special equipment and are expensive. I discovered that a music therapy using ordinary headphones (without amplified bass) and access to the same kind of high-frequency music online through YouTube or some other source of classical violin music AND DIRECTED ONLY TO THE RIGHT EAR can accomplish the same kind of healing. (It also works for certain serious mental illnesses.
Put a thick cloth or a wad of facial tissue under the left earpiece to block that channel. You must use this therapy for t to 2 hours per day, but NOT LONGER. You should never use earbuds. You need over-the-ear headphones. I recommend coloring circular geometric patterns as symmetrically as you can and making free-form art while you are listening. The artwork brings eye and hand coordination into this music exercise. This therapy, which I call Tallman Paradigm Focused Listening, strengthens the right ear’s stapedius muscle, which gradually makes it able to transmit more of the sound energy into the LEFT half of the brain, during, but also after, the therapy. You should see significant changes within two to three weeks. Since you are changing a muscle, it may need some regular music exercise to keep it in shape. And since you are changing the way the two halves of your brain interact (the left-brain is becoming more dominant in those integration processes) the changes may take some getting used to over the next few weeks. The Tallman Paradigm is the neurological explanation for why this therapy works. But you don’t need to know the neurology to use the therapy! Feel free to contact me directly if you need to.-
Laurna Tallman
Former Researcher and Clinician (2006–2023)
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Being an ADHD person myself, couple of habits help:
- Write down (not type) a summary of what is being studied - this helps slowing your mental space down so things sticks to your head, if not by understanding, at least by repetition.
- Draw a “mind map” of what is being studied. This will help integrate what you need to remember into your memory in your own unique way. If you can recall/visualize your mind map with no aid, then you can move on to next topic of study.
- Play a scenario in your head where you’re being asked to teach the material to someone who has no idea about it, where do you start? This will help you grow and root your mindmap
- -Ted Aston , ADHD Positive
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My mom had to use a 2 minute timer for me when I was young “Just work on your math for 2 minutes, than you can play.”
Yes, I was a very tiring boy I’m sure.
BUT, I am somewhat better now! I have slowly taught myself some discipline, but more importantly, I taught myself some tricks. Here we go!
- Music. Music can be a distraction OR a focuser, figure out what works and lose yourself into the study while the music plays. I was able to do a 6 hour study session on some VERY boring work because of music.
- Smaller goals. I find I have troubles focusing on large projects. Break them down. For now I am NOT going to study the whole book. I am going to study this chapter. I am NOT going to write the whole book report in one go. (Up until I do anyway. Either no focus or complete focus, right?)
What often happens is that I finally get my focus because I only have to work on this tiny problem and I can deal with THAT…and I just roll on and on until the whole thing is done anyway. - Practice. Yes, I’m sure you hate this word. Sorry. But it’s true, you CAN teach yourself to focus with practice. Learn to make what you are trying to focus on IMPORTANT.
- Figure out how to make the project or study interesting. Maybe do it with people and discuss it together. I always like to do the Mystery Science Theater 3000 approach and make fun of the boring work to the others. In order to actually DO that though, I have to know the material. HEY! It’s interesting all of a sudden!
- Find a good teacher. If a teacher is boring, it just wrecks everything. The good teachers STAND OUT. You know what I mean i’m sure. There is ALWAYS someone out there who is willing to teach/mentor you on the subject you are trying to learn. Look at Quora! It’s built on finding the best answers for questions. Try the same concept with learning a subject. If it’s hard to focus on, try a different teacher/website/book/article.
- This is NOT something I have personally done, but my brother HAS. I really suggest being careful with this one. Adderal or equivalent. My brother has, if anything, LESS attention span than I do. It helped him get through some VERY tough collage classes. Again, medicine strong enough to affect your judgment and executive functions of your brain has costs. Some of them are subtle and hard to explain, some are NOT and involve hospital bills.
Lastly, I suggest you look into researching Autism and/or ADHD. I am NOT saying look into it for some magic pill solution. But you might surprise yourself with what you can find out about YOURSELF if you ARE on the Autism spectrum or have strong ADHD. They have overlap. It’s VERY possible you have high functioning Autism or perhaps just ADHD (Which also can fall into Autism anyway.)
Much like color blindness, you can have it your whole life and not know. Despite it seemingly being something that should be incredibly obvious. It’s not the end of the world if you have it or anything big, it’s just learning how you think and act differently compared to other people and compared to how you THINK that you think. It’s an interesting world of neural study anyway.
Good luck trying out my tricks!-
James Dejager
SDPHD from School of Self Improvement and Development (Graduated 2011
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What is a good way to stay focused if you have ADHD? All suggestions welcome.
I have a rotating list of strategies I use. Rotating, because I find the effectiveness of most coping mechanisms lasts for 3 to 12 months before my brain decides it can just ignore them.
The one that's been most consistently effective long term is “body doubling". This means working on or completing boring or frustrating tasks with another person present. This other person doesn't have to be working on the task with me; in fact it's often better if they're not. They don't even have to be physically present; a virtual body double works just as well. Sometimes the body double works on their own thing. Sometimes they just provide conversation. If we're working on the same task, we split it up. (When my roommate and I team up for housework, one of us tackles the bathroom and kitchen, the other sweeps and mops the floors. When writing with the Toymaker, we're working on separate chapters, or he'll be editing while I forge ahead writing.)
During the times of my life when I've had a lot of scheduled activities or events I found a bullet journal handy. Don't try to get cute or fancy with it. A journal about the size of a paperback book is a good size to haul around, and use a pen you like the feel of. I used a bullet journal for about 3 years when I was actively involved in a cosplay group that had events every weekend from May to October, events often scheduled weeks or months in advance. But as soon as Covid hit and the events evaporated, I put the journal down and never picked it up again.
-Kitty Bound
Home health care aide
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There are some specific tactics you can get started doing right away, as well as longer term strategies that will help build your ‘will power muscle’.
- Us the Pomodoro Technique to stay on task but still give your brain a break. You can learn more about this method on the wikipedia page about it. The idea is to focus for 25 min, and then take a 5 min break. Pushing through those last few min each time will actually build your will power to allow you to do more Pomorodors’ over time, and build your overall will power.
- Go for a run! Exercising releases Dopamine in your brain, which in turn helps you to focus.
- Set small goals and use small rewards to begin to re-wire your brain, rewarding it when you stay focused.
- Focus on a Keystone Habit. You can’t change everything about your current workflow, but by focusing on one specific behavior and making sure you do that one thing every day.
- Use the X Effect to track the keystone habit you picked. This method of taking a notecard and 49 squares to cross off daily progress will help to reinforce the behavior you are rewarding in #3, and keep you accountable to do it EVERY DAY!
- Use background noise app like Coffivity to give your brain the stimulus it craves, without causing distraction. I find having just the right amount of stimulus helps me to stay focused.
So those are some good tactics to do immediately. Now for overall strategy:
- Know the why behind what you are doing. If you are a global learner like me, as opposed to a sequential learner, you may need more context than other people. You can give yourself context, by clearly identifying the benefits behind doing what you need to do, if it is taxes, homework, or a long boring project. Clearly visualize the benefits for getting the task done, and even close your eyes and feel what it will be like to experience those benefits. Read ‘Goals’ by Bryan Tracy if you want to dive in more.
- Life has presented you with this specific challenge, that may be a bigger challenge to you than others. Learning how to overcome this specific task or challenge is the opportunity you need to go to the next level in your work, or personal life. If you think of this task as an internship for life, what can you learn from this process? This is not something to just move past or skip, but it is the very thing you need to be overcoming. Read ‘Obstacle is the Way’ for more on this strategy.
- Success is not how smart you are, but your ability to stick with something till the end. This does not mean you should not have multiple interests, just that learning how to become a finisher is valuable, and worth your time, even if it is something you are horrible at now. Read ‘Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance’ for more.
I am writing a self published book on the closely related topic of harnessing your creativity if you want an additional resource. Will be posting videos explaining the techniques and strategies above, along with the book once finished.
---Christopher Porter , Writer at NoTallOrder.com
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ADHD can make it difficult to focus on one thing for a longer time. It is really great that you want to learn ways for enhancing your attention span and focus better.
Some of the strategies you can try for enhancing your focus include:
- Try to cut newspaper into very small chunks and make collage using those bits of paper.
- Gradually increasing your focusing time, for instance, first try to focus for 10 minutes, then increase the time to 15 minutes and so on. This is an hypocritical example, your time span can vary based on needs.
- Engage in those activities that you enjoy, such as drawing, singing and try to observe your level of focus in those situations.
- Seek professional help because they can better understand your concern and help accordingly.
- Give yourself time and have patience. Take small steps and acknowledge those to keep yourself motivated. -------- by Anushka Kharbanda
Studied Psychology at Amity University, Noida
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